I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
