when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I supernannyed him into submission
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
