In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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