He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
