he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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