i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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