there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
