...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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