I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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