found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
