I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she peed on how many people?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
