my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
