Well apparently he's into motor boating.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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