WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
