I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
