she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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