I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
