There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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