youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
