I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
