im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Houston, we have a squirter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how drunk are you?
Several
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
