I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
