I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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