No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
