To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
