the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
