My nipple is on Facebook.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
