Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
