I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
