I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
