Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
