then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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