a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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