my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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