the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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