What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
