I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just google imaged poop.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
