I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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