Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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