My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
