If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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