I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
