oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
