i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
