she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
