No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
