Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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