At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please come you make the beer taste better
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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