Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
