this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
